In my book, Mom Was Right: Family Tragedy to Financial Freedom—How a Widowed Mother of Seven Retired Debt-Free, I tell the story of how a hard-working, determined single mom was able to maintain financial independence and even build a debt-free retirement while simultaneously raising seven children. One of those seven kids was yours truly, and as I make clear in the book, some of the most enduring financial lessons I’ve learned in life—including my professional life as a financial advisor and wealth manager—were first communicated to me by my mother.
Each year around this time, as we pay tribute to our moms and the immense debts we owe them, I’m inevitably reminded of how my mother’s influence has impacted my life. I’ve written previously about some of the values instilled in me by both what she did and what she said, and as Mother’s Day rolls around again, I’d like to reflect a bit more on how I and others have benefited from Mom’s example.
They say it’s not a good idea to start believing your own press, but now and again, I like to glance back through the opening pages of the book to be reminded of what other people say they have gained by reading Mom’s story. Retired teachers, financial professionals, business owners, healthcare professionals, and others from a wide range of professions and walks of life have commented generously on what they’ve learned from the book. Boiled down to basics, they all basically say the same thing: There’s nothing more powerful than a living example for instilling solid values and guidance for life. And they’re right; I’ll never be able to repay all that Mom did for me and my siblings by not just telling us, but showing us the value of common-sense financial discipline.
Here are a few more of the cardinal principles I learned from Mom that continue to guide me, both personally and professionally, to this day.
Avoid “debt bondage.”
In 1985, as newlyweds living in San Diego, California, my young wife and I were fed up with flushing money down the drain every month for rent. We found a place we loved, and we decided that, instead of paying extra money each month for private mortgage insurance, we would pull together enough cash to make a 20% down payment on the home of our dreams. In addition to what we’d saved, we needed another $15,000, and we called my mom to ask about a loan. She agreed—as long as I made payments that included 8% interest, and the payments showed up in Mom’s mailbox on the first of each month. Well, that all sounded okay to me; we got the money, made the down payment, and took ownership of the house. And then, about a year later, we decided we needed a new vehicle. Who else would we call but our favorite banker—Mom? But when I told her I wanted to borrow more money, her answer was quick and to the point: “No.” I was shocked, but she went on to explain: “Your last payment to me is already a week overdue. Why would I loan you more money?”
Harsh, you say? Maybe. But at that moment, my wife and I realized that debt was a trap: easy to get into, but hard to escape from. We made a plan to pay Mom back in full, and we eventually accomplished that. And I wish that I could say this was our final “hard lesson” about debt—but it wasn’t. We would have other difficult, even humiliating experiences with the consequences of debt before we would finally completely realize the truth that unless debt is carefully managed—and preferably avoided altogether—it can remove all control over your financial decisions (not to mention the devastating emotional effects it can wreak on your relationships).
The importance of “putting it in writing.”
Though few can still remember it, there used to be a time when the milkman was a regular visitor at most American households. Ours was no exception: My mom would leave a carefully handwritten list for the milkman each day before she left for work, specifying exactly which products were needed and in what quantities. As hard as we kids tried to shoehorn in our favorite treats—like chocolate milk and ice cream—Mom knew what we needed, and that was what went on the list. The milkman knew better than to pay attention to anything that wasn’t in Mom’s careful, neat writing.
In the same way, it’s important to put your most important plans and intentions in writing. In fact, when it comes to matters of life and death, there are four written documents that everyone should have:
- A will
- A living will
- A medical power of attorney
- A general (financial) power of attorney.
Infinitely more important than specifying what dairy products go in your refrigerator, these written documents determine how your affairs should be handled in the event that you are no longer able to manage them yourself. The thing is, if you don’t have a will, your state has one for you—though it may not resemble what you would want to have happen. Mom knew we didn’t really need chocolate milk, so she made sure that her “will” for the milkman contained what she knew we did need. In the same way, you should have a will that is specific to your family, your estate, and your values and intentions. Similarly, your living will makes it clear to medical professionals whether and to what extent they should use “heroic measures” to preserve your life, in the event that you can’t direct them yourself. Having this “written down” prevents your family members from having to make such decisions under the emotional duress of a serious medical emergency. Your medical power of attorney allows you to dictate, while you’re healthy and thinking clearly, who should make important medical decisions for you if you become incapacitated. Similarly, a general power of attorney allows you to specify who should make important financial decisions for you when you aren’t capable of doing it for yourself. Having all these important matters “written down” both ensures that you have a say in how your affairs are handled and also helps your loved ones avoid the stress of having to make such momentous decisions in a vacuum. Mom always “wrote it down”—and you should, too.
Telling the truth—especially to yourself.
Mom dealt with many difficulties in her life, starting with losing my dad while there were still seven kids at home. She had to make a lot of difficult decisions and sacrifices along the way as she maintained her own independence (she never remarried), planned for her own retirement, and paid for college educations for her kids. One thing she never did, however, was kid herself. No matter how tough the reality, Mom faced it head-on and made a plan to get to the other side of whatever challenges she faced. If there was one thing Mom was ultra-clear about, it was her “why”: she was determined to take care of herself and her kids, and every important decision she made was based on that truth.
I’ve said before—and will probably say again, many times—that the most important question in our work with clients isn’t “how”; it’s “why.” Once we know what is most important in someone’s life, we are able to help them design a financial plan that leads them to their most important goals.
Maybe that’s the most important lesson Mom imparted: knowing the truth of your “why.” Because unless your plans support and facilitate your “why,” you probably aren’t going to succeed, long-term.
At Mathis Wealth Management, much of our practice is built on the time-tested principles I learned from watching and listening to my mother. As you think about your own life and experiences, I hope you have examples you can turn to for similar wisdom. And if we can provide insights or guidance to help you gain clarity in your financial journey, please get in touch; we are here for you.
